Sunday, 21 August 2011

Re-wiring the Computer

Well, I've made it through the first week of my new life and it hasn't been without its challenges. My new life started on 13th August with a weigh in. As well as the measurements I posted on my last blog, I want to also keep track of my weight. I've decided to do this on a fortnightly basis.

So, the big weigh in. As of 13th August 2011, I weigh 168 kg. Holy fucking hell. I want to get myself down to 100 kg, which is a massive challenge in itself, but as I'll also be building muscle mass, I'll actually end up losing even more to get to 100.

My first gym session was an experience of both huge positivity and an even more substantial reality check. I was feeling a huge sense of achievement and excitement at the start of this journey, but after the first few exercises, I soon realised that my body simply cannot do the things it used to. When I sat down at the Chest Press, my mind was going over all the old routine automatically, but it received a shock when it realised my Pecs weren't what they used to be, but I pushed through regardless. Additionally, because I'm carrying around 70 kg of excess weight and have been for a while, the joints in my legs and feet have starting feeling the stress. Because of this and my generally unfit state, I cannot run, so instead, I walk briskly and train on the bikes.

As I type, I've been to the gym now on six occasions since 13th August. Between Saturday and Wednesday, I fear my enthusiasm was slightly irrational, as I spent a large part of the week in considerable pain from the new exercise routine. My body truly was in shock and was taking every available opportunity to remind me of its dissatisfaction. So bad was it, that I could barely walk and my entire upper body was stiffer than a cryogenically frozen tumescent penis.

For this reason, rested on Thursday and Friday. My body needed to rest and I didn't want to injure myself further. 

On Saturday, my body had recovered completely. It seems that it was starting to remember the old days and the level of activity it used to do.

Because I'm so poor at the moment, being out of work, I've realised I need to cut down on my costs, and getting the bus to and from the gym is costing too much, so on Saturday I walked to the gym. The walk is 2.5 miles and largely pleasant, so I've decided to walk to and from the gym every time I go, which means that I'll be walking 5 miles a day. When I get to the gym, I'll have no need to train on any cardio, so I'll purely be going to lift weights. 

Of course, exercise isn't the only thing I need to do to achieve my goals, I also need to eat a healthy and balanced diet. This is simple enough on paper, but over recent years, I've developed somewhat of an eating disorder. I have used food for entirely the wrong reasons, as an emotional response. I have spent years overeating in secret and the sheer volume of food I've consumed would shock many who read this. As an example, one day, for lunch, I'd eat two huge bags of Doritos, followed by a kilo of risotto and a whole cheesecake. That was one meal. I ate three a day. It disgusts me that I ate like that but it makes me even more determined to make a change. However, this is not easy. I have to rewire my mind and my relationship with food. I need to change the way I think and the way I feel. So far it's working, but I'm only one week into this new life.

To add to the challenge, I still have my ongoing mental health issues. I found out this week that I suffer from Bipolar Affective Disorder and suspected ADHD. The treatment for the latter cannot begin until it's been confirmed, which will take several months. Behind me is a huge list of projects I've started but not finished. I'm DETERMINED that this will not be one of them. My life will exponentially improve in many ways if I reach this goal.

So, here begins week two. Bring it the fuck on.

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